Insanity Is Normal Here
by Cre Ookami
Summary: A major crossover, riddled with inside jokes and stuff that is actually pretty funny if you know what it's referring to. Otherwise... I'm not on anything, I promise.
1. The Begining! oh, and the heros

Disclaimer-I don't own PotC, Star Wars, Harry Potter, or LotR. If I did I'd live in Hawaii.

A LONG TIME AGO IN A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY...

(star wars theme)

Dumbledore was sitting in his office when, suddenly, a TIE fighter screamed past! He jumped up and, screaming like a little girl, ran into Griffindor dormitory. Seeing Harry sitting in his favorite chair by the fireplace, Dumbledore jumped into his arms.

"Harry, SAVE ME!!" he screamed. No sooner had the words left his mouth, Gandalf appeared with a loud POP and a lot of purple smoke with orange ribbons.

"Where is that fool of a Took?"

"I don't know who Took is or where he is mate, but if you show me the rum, i'll scurry over to me ship and send out Gibbs to look for him, savvy?" said Jack Sparrow, who had just flown through the window in an x-wing.

"Who the hell are you people?" Harry wanted to know. "And what is Professor Dumbledore doing in my lap?"

"Well, it seems to me that your little professor Dumbdoor is horribly afraid of some odd happening in his everyday life, eh mate?"

"I quite agree. Something must have frightened him. And where is that Took?"

"It was probably that TIE I took out. It's all right sir. I blew it up by the lake. I'm Luke. Luke Skywalker. I'm here to rescue you." He was rewarded with blank stares from everyone else in the room. Dumbledore started whimpering. He waved his wand and his favorite pink stuffed bunny flew through the window that was still intact. The shattered glass rained down on a very worried Pippin, who was hiding from Gandalf, who wanted to turn him into a pink bunny. Seeing one had made him start to worry that Gandalf knew where he was.

Everyone turned to look at the flying bunny except Pippin, who took the distraction time to jump out the broken window. He screamed loudly on the way down and then smashed on the rocks below, for he had jumped out the wrong window. Jack's ship was out the other one.

"What was that?" Gandalf asked. "It sounds like a young, annoying hobbit just jumped out a window and smashed on the rocks below. Oh well."

"You're here to rescue us? What are you saving us from?" Harry wanted to know. He was the smart one of the group. Everyone else was either not mentally stable, drunk, insane, or had a need to save the world.

"The dark side of the Force!!!!"

Dumbledore lost what little sanity he had at that remark. "That's it Potter, you're fired!"

"What? Why? And how can you fire me? I don't even work for you."

"You're fired 'cuz I say so! And I don't care who you work for, you're fired!!" He started sobbing and sucking on his pink bunny rabbit.

"You must leave immediately! The Sith are coming!"

There was a loud sucking noise and Dumbledore started wailing. He had just dropped his pink bunny in the fire "I want Fluffy! Where's Fluffy?"

Harry waved his wand and another pink, fluffy bunny with three heads flew through the window. "It's okay Professor. Here's Fluffy."

"We must leave," Luke announced. As if to punctuate that remark the big super-star destroyer that was hovering over the lake opened fire on the castle.

"Okay, I vote we all listen to this crazy guy and leave. Mr... um... what's your name?" He asked Gandalf.

"My name is Gandalf. Gandalf the White!" He pulled open his tattered grey cloak to expose a pink bikini. He looked down at himself. "Oops."

"Akkkwarddd!" yelled a random person.

"Where'd he come from?" asked Jack.

"I don't know. Bye." The guy left.

"K...umm... do we have some means of transportation?" Harry asked. Everyone looked at him blankly. "As in, how do we leave?"

"Oh! I have a star cruiser out this window!" Luke exclaimed. "Come on!" So everyone jumped into Luke's star cruiser and it blasted off to another world...


	2. The Villians!

Disclaimer-I don't own PotC, Star Wars, LotR, or Harry Potter. If I did I'd live in France.

On a planet in the outer reaches of the Galaxy...

Voldemort was nervously drumming his fingers on the arm of his chair as his snake wrapped itself around the chair back. Sitting directly across from him was Darth Vader. To his right was Saruman and a giant, talking eyeball that insisted on being called Sauron. To his left was a creepy guy with tentacles coming out of his chin, named Davy Jones. They were in the midst of an argument about who was eviler.

"I'm the evilest!" Yelled Davy Jones. "I strike all sailors with a fear so great they run to their mommys!"

"I use the force to strangle random people who annoy me. You are not the evilest, you just look... weird." Vader informed the writhing, tentacley captain.

Sauron spoke up, "I am the evilest-est! I even have a minion!"

"I am not your minion. I am Saruman of the Many Colors! I will find the ring and rule by your side! We will bring ultimate destruction to Middle-earth!"

"No! Punny sorcerer! You should have listened to Gandalf! I am the owner of the ring! I alone will rule Middle Earth!"

"Noooooooo!!!"

"Yes! You are fired! Muhahahaha!"

Saruman's bottom lip began to tremble. "Now Saruman sad. Saruman go bye-bye." Saruman walked out of the room full of mental villains and had his flying uru-kai bring him back to his tower with the bad shrubbery job in Middle Earth, where he had ugly things rip down trees and BURN them! Then he locked himself in his room and yelled about how all the mental guys were all powerful and it wasn't fair.

There was an odd silence, then the remaining villains started yelling insults left right and center. Voldemort got fed up with his little minions who didn't know they were minions yet.

"Could you idiots all SHUT UP for a moment?!" He yelled. "I haven't hosted this meeting of awesome-tastic villains so we could fight with each other. It has come to my attention that all of our nemesis enemies have, unknowingly gathered at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It is time for us to strike them down once and for all!!!"

Everyone stared at him blankly. "Actually, umm, they just left. They're going to some other planet." Vader informed Voldemort.

"And how would you know that?" Voldy inquired coldly.

"The force has shown me."

"Screw the force. If they have left Hogwarts we will follow them across the Galaxy until we can destroy them!! We will burn their flesh from their bones, then slice them up, then jump on the pieces, then burn up all the little pieces then... do it all over again! Muhahahaha!"

"Of course we will." Vader placated him. "Then we'll bring about their ultimate destruction." Sauron glared at everyone. There really wasn't much else he could do, except mutter sinisterly in a language no one else understood.

"Right, here's the plan. We'll all meet up at Hogwarts in three days. Then we'll follow them through the universe to their ultimate destruction! Muhahahaha! Meeting adjourned." Vader stood up and walked to his super-star destroyer. Voldy disapparated from the meeting area and instantly appeared outside the Hog's Head. Sauron did... whatever it is he does to move around. And Jones magically called up his ship and somehow managed to travel through the galaxy without leaving the ocean. They all met up three days later...


	3. SHORT Mindless filler chapter

**Nsane: I'm back!**

**Luke: She's back!**

**Nsane: Yes, that's what I said.**

**Aya: Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!**

**Obi-Wan: What's with her?**

**Nsane: Ignore her. She'll come off the sugar high eventuallly.**

**Aya: PLOT BUNNY ATTACK!!!!**

**Nsane: No. Bad Padawan.**

**Aya: No! Bad puppy!  
**

**Nsane: Anyways, yes, I'm back. I took a short (okay, long) vacation, but it's a new year!**

**Luke: And she no own Aya (Padawan Aikanaro) or anything else you recognize!!!  
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**Nsane: I'm just gonna say it now: I have no idea how to spell Dumbledore. Sorry, sad but true.  
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Thing were very strange aboard Luke's spaceship, which will henchforth be known as the Decade Sparrow. This made Jack- Sorry! Captain Jack very happy, and he immediately proclaimed lordship over the vessel. Or, well, something like that. This, of course, made Luke rather upset.

"My ship!" He insisted.

"It has me name on it, son. It's me boat."

"Ship!"

"Boat!"

"Ship!"

"FLUFFY!!!!" Dumbledore exclaimed. Gandalf, finally fed up with competing for "top old wizard" with a mentally challenged headmaster, shoved him in an escape pod and jettisoned him into a black hole, where he ended up crashing into the Enterprise, giving Spock a heart attack for being so illogical, and then dying a slow and painful death at the hands of Harry Potter fans who believed in Manipulative!Dumbledore. And there was much rejoicing.

With Dumbledore gone and Luke off his happy juice, the assembled beings, well... assembled. It was painful, but finally, Harry, Luke, Gandalf, Jack, Hermione, Elizabeth, Anakin, Obi-Wan, Will, Leia, Han, Mara Jade, Q, and Aya were inside the tiny hold. Everyone who hadn't been there already appeared in a flash of light because Nsane, the narrator, authoress, and omnipotent awesome person willed it. Yes, that's right. I'm awesome.

Q, upset with his predicament, immediately tried to leave. He was unable to. No, he wasn't human, he was just... a slave to a greater power. Poor Q. Here, little q can come keep you company.

So, everyone gathered round the tiny little table. Luke, calm now that he had "saved" everyone, explained more thoroughly what was happening.

"So, our Alliance we just like... Leia, you explain!"

The Princess rolled her eyes at her brother and stood up. Er, well, tried to anyways. "We picked up signals from the Empire's fleet. There was a secret meeting of all villains, and we did some research as to who that exactly was, and then ya'll were all transported here. And um... Honestly, some of you weren't even suposed to be here." But I wanted them here. Ya know?

"Yeah, It's all Nsane's fault," Aya complained. She perked up considerably when a lightsaber with detachable flamethrower attached itself to her belt, though. "Ooh, purty!!!"

"So now what?" Hermione asked. They sat around for a moment. "Why aren't we doing anything?"

"This is what is commonly referred to as "writers" block. Something completely random, unnecessary, and strange will happen soon," Aya explained. And sure enough, she was right! For at that moment, the borg arrived! No, no, not the borg. The Empire!

"Run away! Run away!" Anakin exclaimed. Harry glared at him. He didn't like competition for the Chosen One position.

"No! It's not the Empire!" Leia exclaimed. "It's the Eripme!"

"What the heck?" Will asked. Then he and Elizabeth evaporated because they weren't doing enough to keep the story moving forwards.

"That was strange." q noted.

"Indeed, son." Q replied.

"So, what's the Eripme?" Obi-Wan asked.

"It's the dictatorship form of government in charge of a parallel universe called Black Holes Peace." Mara Jade explained. Let's pretend the Emperor taught her about this at some point. "The Selber are currently fighting against the Eripme, lead by Ekul Groundcrawler and his sister Aiel Organic. It's a very interesting story. Everybody wave!" They waved.

"You know what? This is stupid. Why are we here?" Anakin demanded to know.

"To save the world!" Luke exclaimed. Everyone ignored him.

"SPAZ!!!" No, I won't tell you who said that. Guess who.

"We're still getting nowhere. I'm going to go play my wii," Han sulked, stomping off. Leia followed him. So did Gandalf. Obi-Wan, Anakin, Luke, and Aya decided to go play Monopoly. Harry and Jack got into a deep discussion about piracy, and Hermione decided to have a deep philosophical debate with q, who was a lot smarter than Ron, so they got together. And um... Mara Jade and Q started talking about parallel universes. And thus, they managed to fill another chapter with dull, mindless, boring events that were not funny at all and were a fail on the author's part. But I'm still awesome!

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Nsane: Ugh.**

**Aya: Haha!**

**Nsane: That didn't work out as planned. Oh well. Please review. Even if you hate it. Heck, you can even flame! Just GIVE ME FEEDBACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**


	4. The Villians! Again!

**Nsane: I'm back!!!!**

**Darth Sunduvar: That was fast.**

**Nsane: Yup. I have no plot line for this whatsoever though, so I can just keep going! Like the Energizer Bunny!!!!!**

**Darth Sunduvar: Ok then.**

**Nsane: And Aya will say the disclaimer.**

**Aya: Why?**

**Nsane: Because I said so and you can't do anything about it. And I'm taking my lightsaber back.**

**Aya: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!**

**Nsane: Disclaimer.**

**Aya: *growl* Fine. Jedi totallyNsane doesn't own any of this.**

**Nsane: Thank you. Now, back to the villians.  
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While our hero friends were all doing whatever it is they do in their free time, which is a rarity for them because they're always saving the world, or universe, or galaxy, or whatever, the villians had made it to Hogwarts via there various methods of transportation. There they met their worst nightmare. The One and Only: DARTH SUNDUVAR!!!!!!!!!!

Besides being their worst fear, Darth Sun was the author appointed ringleader of their gang.

"It's not a gang!"

"And my name is not Darth Sun! It's Sunduvar! Darth Death!!!!!"

Yes, it is. And Sunduvar is way too hard to spell or say. I mean really, do you want to scare the readers off?

"Grrr..."

Anyways, Darth Sun and the gang of the Happy Evils-

"No way. A gang I can stand. But the Happy Evils? I quit!"

You can't quit. But fine. Take three.

Darth Sun and the Death Bunnies-

"No!"

Fanged Smileys?

"Nope."

Friendly Lords?"

"Nu-uh."

Fine. Have it your way. As I was saying, Darth Sun was the ringleader of the Dark Lords, and was the very embodiment of evil. With a double bladed lightsaber, one blade silver, one blood red, and her trusty paintball gun, she could wreak havoc and destruction wherever she went.

And so it was with Hogwarts. Everyone ran away screaming, and the Dark Lords took up residence there. Darth Sun got Dumbledore's old office and immediately redecorated the room. She could not stand the sight of the pink bunnies. There was a little know secret about Darth Sun. Her one, and only, weakness were Dumbledore's pink bunnies. But Dumbledore was dead, (wait, he is dead, isn't he? Well, he is now.) so the chance of the bunnies returning to haunt her were six billion, two hundred forty-eight million, six thousand to one! (Everyone, please thank Threepio for that one.)

Everyone settled, Darth Sunshine- Sorry! Sorry! Darth Sun- called the first official meeting of the Dark Lords gang.

"The purpose of this meeting is to A) meet new friends! B) decide what to do about your hero friends, and C) allow me to control all of you! Oh, and 'cuz Nsane wanted me here. But that's irrevelent."

"You are irrelevant. You will be assimilated." It seemes Borg has made the meeting.

"Shut it, Locutus. I'm in charge here. Now everyone, please sit down. You may have notice we've been joined by a few of your... friends. Now, everyone be nice and you can try to kill each other later. Not that you'll stay dead, of course."

Introductions went around the table. From the Inheritance delegation, Durza, Baldy I, and Galbatorix were there. **(A/N anyone wondering about Baldy II, read Shur'tugal abr Voetta: Clear Skies)** From a Galaxy far, far away, there was Palpypie, Vader, and Count Doodoo. Voldemort came from the Harry Potter group, along with Malfoy Sr. and Wormtail. From the luvly Carribbean came Davy Jones, and Beckett. And we can't forget Sauron, but not Saruman, because he quit! And Locutus. I think that's everyone. For now...

"Good. Now that you know who you want to kill during your vacation days (because there will be no inter-Lord squabbles while working) we can get down to business. I'm Darth Sunduvar."

Darth Sun.

"That annoying voice that narrates everything is the narrator."

No, really?

"Ignore her."

Ha! Like that's ever gonna happen.

"Listen, you're the one who dumped me in here, so you're just gonna have to deal with it," Sunshine grumbled. "No! Not Sunshine!!

Then behave.

"Grr...."

Meanwhile, the rest of the gang looked on worridly.

"What'll she do to us?" Baldy I asked. "She killed-"

No!!! No spoilers!!!! Or I will feed you to the dragon!!!

"Meep!" Needles to say, Baldy I got quiet.

Great. So, everyone's introduced... Oh, right. Backup. Hey, Sun.

"It's DARTH Sun."

Yeah, sure. Who's your backup.

"?"

Second-in-command? The dude who replaces you when I kill you off?

"What?!?!"

Um... I didn't say anything!!!!!

"Yeah, sure."

No, really, who do you pick?

"Aikanaro!"

No, she'll kill you. Besides, she's with the heros.

"Well why?!"

Because she's a Jedi. And it's fun to pit you two against each other.

"Humph. Fine. Zorro! Get in here!"

What the heck?

"Everyone this is Darth Zorro. Zorro, everyone."

"That's Padawan Olin!" Palpypie exclamied. "And my name's not Palpypie!"

Padawan Olin- excuse me, Darth... Zorro... glared at everyone and thumbed on his newly repainted lightsaber (yes, it was red. How did you know?). "I. AM. DARTH. ZORRO!!!!" He yelled. Everyone winced. "And I hate my life! I hate you! I hate everything! Everyone must die, die, die!!!!! LIFE SUCKS!!!!!" There was a moment of silence and everyone stared at the angsty sith apprentice.

"Ok then... Moving on. What do we want to do with the goodies?"

"Burn them!"

"Crush them!"

"Destroy them!"

"Eat them!"

"Stare at them!"

"Drown 'em!"

"Kill them!"

"Destroy them!"

"Lightning them!"

"Assimilate them."

"Destroy them!"

"Blow them up!"

"Blast them!"

"DESTROY THEM!!!!!!!"

"Great ideas. How are you gonna do it?"

Everyone was silent. Remember, they're there 'cuz they're bad. Not cuz they're smart.

"Hey!"

I speak naught but the truth.

"I have an idea!!!!!!" Count Doodoo screeched. "First we attack them with all our awesome badguy-ness, then we kill 'em all, then we burn them, then we cut them into tiny pieces and stomp on them, then we do it all again!!!!!" By the end, he was jumping up and down like a schoolboy. Everyone stared. There was an awkward silence.

"..." (That's the awkward silence).

It was broken by Palpypie. "Great. Sure. Go on. Shoo. Go on, puppy! Out you go! Fetch!" Thus ordering Doodoo, he and Doodoo left the room. "And my name's not Palpypie!" He screamed. Ha. Idiot.

"Any other ideas?" Darth Sun invited. "No? Ok then, this is what you're gonna do..."

**Darth Sun: That was LONG!**

**Nsane: I know.**

**Aya: Puppy!**

**Nsane: Yes. Puppy. Doodoo is puppy.**

**Darth Sun: Ha.**

**Nsane: And remember, reviews bring updates!!!!**

**Palpypie: Growl  
**


	5. In Which the Author Gives Up

Because I just don't want to deal with it anymore, I'm wrapping up Insanity is Normal Here. Happy birthday Mellophone and Flautist. No, it's not good, no I didn't plan it, yes it is a spur of the moment thing, no I don't remember what has happened previously. So yeah.

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Everyone was lined up and ready. Lines had been drawn (both figuratively and literally. Big ol' line of bright yellow spray-paint, like a game of four square or something). Duct tape had been gathered. Volleyballs inflated. The writer sighed and withheld a facepalm in favor of prepping herself for a quick, painful ending. Then it began.

How they got there, no one knows. The powers that be had gathered them all up or something. Let's just not worry about that gaping plot hole, okey dokey? Right. Moving on.

So, erm, battle lines drawn, weapons available... what next?

"OMG! It's bad guys!" one of the good guys shouted. Probably Aya.

"Bite me!"

No thanks.

"Oh no! Good guys!" a minion of evil screamed. From his death bed, Dumbles wailed like a banshee. Don't ask why, because I don't know. The characters grumbed and the author returned to writing.

"Charge!" The cry rang about the field, scaring everyone within a sixty mile radius into hiding under their beds. Or something.

And anyways, the battle began, pitting friend on friend or whatever... you know the drill and I can't remember who's fighting against whom so... there ya'll go. Fight scene. Yippie.

And then, in the thick of the battle something terrible happened. An opponent arose that made all evil cower. All good guys paled in fright. Some even went to hide under beds with the citizens in the sixty mile radius. That's right. There's no denying the truth. It was...

LEPRECHAUNS!

[Yes, leprechauns. No, I'm not on anything. It's the flutes' fault, they made me do it! Im just a lowly (read: superior) mello player! Who can't play saxophone!]

They swarmed in the forms of crickets, causing everyone to quickly resort to sub-divided-sixteenth-note-cricket-stomping, but it wasn't enough. They began to transform into terrifying little green men, and duct tape was broken out. White things were thrown at them. But they still came. Voldemort ran over to uh... Gandalf? He's still here right? I think so... Anyways, back to the story, after this commercial break.

-Does your rainbow need more than just unicorns? If so, call 666-hell. That's 666-4355. 666-4355. Call now and you can get your free personal devil or damned soul to spice up your rainbow. Call now, as offer ends soon (beware- devils enjoy eating unicorns, buyers, and damning their souls. We claim no responsibility for any action taken by them. We just sell them). And now, back to the show.-

Voldemort raced over to Gandalf, hiking his robes up like a skirt and sprinting, trailing duct tape behind him to protect him from the leprechauns.

"Help! Help us! We must be rid of the leperachauns!" the darkest of the dark screeched. Gandalf reached out and shook Voldie's hand.

"Welcome to a short but nice truce. Now grab some duct tape!"

Working together (gasp!) the good and the bad (and the ugly) managed to chase away the leprechauns using massive amounts of white, butterflies, duct tape, and sub-divided-sixteenth-note-cricket-stomping. They paused to get their breath. There was a moment of peaceful silence. That then turned awkward. Everyone looked at each other. They stared. They 'uh'ed and 'er'ed and 'well'ed and the author finally gave up. She threw up her hands, posted the 663 word document, and left.

THE END!

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Thank the gods that's done. Now... review? Maybe? Eh? Oh fine. Be that way. I give up. *leaves*


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